Column Writing

2008 TPA Better Newspaper Contest

First Place D10

Alvord Gazette

Open Letter to Hillary

By David Gregory

Dear Mrs. Slick Willie, A revelation came to me in my sleep last night.

This sort of a thing is not totally unusual for me. I went from being sound asleep to wide awake at the same speed I once exhibited when I rolled over on a scorpion that had just caressed my back side with his stinger.

Usually the revelations that come two or three times night bolt me out of bed and point me to the bathroom.

This wake up call was totally different from any other I ever experienced.

I was awakened by a giant burning sign, not unlike the "Burning Bush" in the bible. The sign-said, "END POVERTY!! TAX ILLEGAL IMIGRANTS."

As I sat on the side of the bed rubbing my eyes I envisioned a way for you to end the War on Poverty and solve our illegal emigrant problem. This, will be a simple but popular way for you to accomplish this worthy goal should you become our next president.

In a recent campaign speech you've promised every voter and most of the foreign countries more goodies than present tax collections can cover.

I know of your dreams to rid the country of poverty and your love for taxes so I offer the following suggestions to accomplish this end.

Various areas of our economy and middle class people have been taxed to the limit. The only segment of our population that is not now being taxed to death are those who immigrate to this country illegally.

No one enjoys paying taxes and a lot of people go to extreme measures to keep from paying any at all. Just think what would happen if you put, a huge tax on illegal immigrants. This would be referred to as The ILL TAX.

Every person who is in our country illegally would sneak back across the border just to keep from paying taxes. Those who have been working illegal and undocumented workers would have to raise the pay to a level where even our unemployed and homeless would go to work.

Poverty would be taxed out of existence. This would be a Win-Win situation for you and the country. You would have more tax revenue to spend on bigger government. Welfare rolls would cease to exist. Of course when everyone became gainfully employed, tax revenues from ILL TAX would be, reduced to zero. This would in effect limit the growth of the Federal Government and consequently reduce the scope of power of politicians and we wouldn't need so much money, to run the government.

Mrs. Slick Willie, maybe we could just reduce the size of the Federal Government and arrive at the same goal. We don't need a village to raise our children. We don't need Washington telling us how to run our schools or what doctor we can visit when we are sick. We don't need your Socialized Medicine. It don't work anyway. We sure don't need more taxes to fund all the give away programs you've promised on your campaign trail.

And if you can get everyone in the three branches of government, Executive, Legislative and Judicial, on the same the Social Security retirement fund and get their health care at retirement through Medicare, this will solve the problems far these programs.

Oh! About the bright light that woke me up. It was just Mama with my one million candle power flashlight trying to figure how I had crowded her out of bed.